Last Sunday, the world celebrated Mother's Day. People shared pictures of their moms or their children on FB profiles. My phone got overwhelmed by messages from online retail websites, enticing me to surprise my mother with gifts, air trips, spa appointments and what not.
I have a slightly uncomfortable relationship with this event. I had not heard about it until the summer of 2000. My mother was undergoing her chemotherapy treatment. I had just finished exams and we were watching a movie together on a Sunday afternoon. Suddenly, there was an advertisement on TV which announced that it was Mother's Day and the right opportunity to express your love for your mother. We both continued to stare at the screen and wondered where this came from. I could not bring myself to wish her because I had never heard of it before. Sadly, that was my last opportunity to wish her.
For the last couple of days, I have been thinking about her and more generally, the parent child relationship.
Parenting is a difficult job. Every stage is a test of character. It requires extreme amounts of self discipline to balance child care with one's professional and other commitments. A lot of maturity goes into creating a nourishing atmosphere in which the child grows and the parents absorb all the difficulties. When my mother's cancer was diagnosed earlier that year, her first concern was that the routines of her children should not be disrupted. She even asked the doctor if the surgery can be postponed until after our exams. The good doctor refused, but I still can't imagine how she was willing to put up with all the pain for 3 more months just so that the schedules of her children wouldn't be disturbed.
Professor Sanghi's recent blog post describes yet another parenting challenge: that of placing the well being of the child above one's own ambitions/expectations. His post mentions students in the IIT system who would dare not share their fears, anxieties, troubles with their parents for fear of adverse reaction. It also mentions difficult situations for the institute when a counselor recommends that a student suffering from an illness, particularly depression needs family care and affection, but the parents would rather not have their ward back for fear of delayed graduation and what "people" would think.
These parents have done the best for their children, provided them the necessary education, resources and opportunities to enable them to get into IITs or other higher educational institutes. They care enough to frequently call faculty and keep track of their ward's academic progress: yet, at some point, the same parents are unable to give the ward the emotional support that s/he needs. A parent of a student known to me once said, "my son must give me adequate returns on my investment in him." At what stage exactly did love turn into a financial investment?
Indeed, parenting is not for the fickle and feeble!
I have a slightly uncomfortable relationship with this event. I had not heard about it until the summer of 2000. My mother was undergoing her chemotherapy treatment. I had just finished exams and we were watching a movie together on a Sunday afternoon. Suddenly, there was an advertisement on TV which announced that it was Mother's Day and the right opportunity to express your love for your mother. We both continued to stare at the screen and wondered where this came from. I could not bring myself to wish her because I had never heard of it before. Sadly, that was my last opportunity to wish her.
For the last couple of days, I have been thinking about her and more generally, the parent child relationship.
Parenting is a difficult job. Every stage is a test of character. It requires extreme amounts of self discipline to balance child care with one's professional and other commitments. A lot of maturity goes into creating a nourishing atmosphere in which the child grows and the parents absorb all the difficulties. When my mother's cancer was diagnosed earlier that year, her first concern was that the routines of her children should not be disrupted. She even asked the doctor if the surgery can be postponed until after our exams. The good doctor refused, but I still can't imagine how she was willing to put up with all the pain for 3 more months just so that the schedules of her children wouldn't be disturbed.
Professor Sanghi's recent blog post describes yet another parenting challenge: that of placing the well being of the child above one's own ambitions/expectations. His post mentions students in the IIT system who would dare not share their fears, anxieties, troubles with their parents for fear of adverse reaction. It also mentions difficult situations for the institute when a counselor recommends that a student suffering from an illness, particularly depression needs family care and affection, but the parents would rather not have their ward back for fear of delayed graduation and what "people" would think.
These parents have done the best for their children, provided them the necessary education, resources and opportunities to enable them to get into IITs or other higher educational institutes. They care enough to frequently call faculty and keep track of their ward's academic progress: yet, at some point, the same parents are unable to give the ward the emotional support that s/he needs. A parent of a student known to me once said, "my son must give me adequate returns on my investment in him." At what stage exactly did love turn into a financial investment?
Indeed, parenting is not for the fickle and feeble!
5 comments:
A parent of a student known to me once said "my son must give me adequate returns on my investment in him."
More surprising thing to follow......
One of my colleague, just got married in January this year and he wanders......
After his child is born, for ~25 years on an average he shall be spending ~1 lakh/year on his/her education only. This accounts for 25 lakhs + some interest if he had invested else where. Hence, the net amount shall be a good one. He then wanders, it's a high risk move. He then wanders, big investment indeed !
He then asks me, "What do you say regarding this ?"
Fortunately, we were waiting for our bus and it just arrived !
I made an escape....
Deepraj, this is a hilarious story :) One hopes your colleague will figure everything out before and not after having children. By the way, recently, I came across this blog post by Matt Might, in answer to someone who wanted to "minimize the chances" of having a disabled child - this is the stuff parental love is made of:
http://matt.might.net/articles/tenure/
The blog post by Matt Might which you told, is the most important website which I have ever encountered till date !
Thanks
I remember counting the money that I owed to my Dad which has spent on education and other resources so once I start earning I may return him back :P
Now, I realise it was the least valuable thing that they have invested in me in comparison with the immense amount of love and time.
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