Colleagues: In league/out of league?

After arriving at N1, my next step was to meet my colleagues.  I had already met some of them during my job interview and had gone back with an overall positive impression.  My job visit coincided with Republic Day, which was celebrated at N1 with flag hoisting, followed  by a countryside picnic and a cricket match between faculty and students.  It was good to meet future colleagues in these informal surroundings.  I did not hesitate to approach them and ask them frankly what they thought of N1 and how they were getting along there.  Many of them equally frankly answered all my questions and their answers presented both the advantages and disadvantages of starting a position at N1.  "Wow," I thought, "these people are so candid and not the phony/politically correct* types."
After joining, however, I realized that this had changed.  Many of the same colleagues were surprisingly very formal, unlike their previous avatars.
The chairperson was very warm and welcoming** and after signing my joining report, explained the administrative protocol in detail.
The day after I joined, there was an institute faculty meeting, attended by members from all departments at N1.  This was the first faculty meeting of my life and despite reading FSP's take on faculty meetings, I was very excited.  All new people, who had joined recently, were introduced by the director at the beginning of the meeting.
As I looked around, I was pleasantly surprised to see a much higher number of women than I had ever seen in STEM fields in North America.  True, we were all young, but so were almost all the male faculty members.  I suppose this is an advantage of joining a new place.  When you are building something from scratch and actively looking for talent, gender discrimination takes a back seat.  I discovered later, in the course of the meeting, that N1 also provides on-campus day care facilities for the children of its employees.
Impressed with this, I whispered to a (new female) colleague sitting on my right about the above average female representation in our faculty.  While my colleague did not share the same enthusiasm as me (or at least pretended not to), the director, on my left, overheard this and pointed out to me that the phrase "female faculty" was not polite language.  "Women faculty members" or "lady faculty members" are more acceptable terms of reference. I smiled thinking about FSP and how she or other North American FSPs would react on being called "lady faculty".
But, it was a good lesson in cultural differences on the use of language. Interestingly, the two-body problem, in Indian academic circles is usually called the "dual career" problem.
Strangely enough, after the meeting, I did not get a chance to talk to many people.
I was puzzled when I found myself standing all alone trying to look for familiar faces.
My handful of departmental colleagues greeted me, but moved on to talk to others.
There was some confusion about how we will all get back to our offices, which was far away from the meeting venue.  At this point, the director asked if anyone wanted a ride with him.  I wanted to discuss something with him and thought this would be a good time. As we drove back, I mentioned to him that I would like to organize a winter school for undergraduate students during the winter vacation.  He promptly approved this plan.  He also invited me and my father to join him for dinner that evening.  Needless to say, I was excited to be working under such a friendly and approachable director.  But I was a bit worried about my future relations with my fellow academic colleagues as they did not come across as particularly friendly that day.  In my second postdoc position, I had hardly made any friends and felt isolated***.  I was upset at the prospect of this happening again.
I had grown up in a culture where as soon as you arrive at a new place, your neighbors assume an easy familiarity, come over to welcome you and generously provide you all the help and information that you need.   But, that was different from what I now encountered.  I did not need any help from anyone, but it would have been good if people could smile and talk to me for a few seconds.
Next morning, I woke up with the thought that it was too early to jump to conclusions.  Perhaps, the parameters of social interaction were different at N1 and I would just have to get used to it.
For example, it seems that at N1, walking up to someone and introducing yourself is not common practice!  It only makes the other person confused about what to say.  A more acceptable form of interaction is to be introduced by a third person.
For that whole month, I found myself on my own.  Of course, there were more important things to take care of, like preparatory paperwork, setting up home etc.
Besides, I was too busy basking in the glory of a new found "real" faculty position to complain about feeling isolated.  My domestic help was my only social life in those days :) She gave me a tour of the local markets where I could buy groceries etc and told me a lot about the history of the place and life in the locality.
Just before the teaching semester started, many of my department colleagues returned from their summer travels and it felt good to be part of a big group.  We had a couple of departmental meetings to design our course syllabi and plan out the graduate program, which would soon start.  One remarkable thing that I have noticed at N1 is that all kinds of meetings are conducted very well.  Everyone gets a chance to talk and put their views across.  I am a member of several committees, but so far, no colleague, senior and junior, has ever attacked me, stopped me from expressing my opinions or treated me like a secretary.  It was during those meetings and the tea after the meetings that I got to know my colleagues better.
They were more friendly now and much more approachable.  Gradually, they also started opening up more and did not weigh their words as carefully as they seemed to do before.
To summarize, overall, I am happy with the way my professional relationship with colleagues has turned out.  We are helpful and work as a team.  In my department or in other committees of which I am a member, so far, nothing has happened to cause any deep divisions or resentments.  By the time the institute is old enough for such things to happen, I suppose I too will be old and robust enough to deal with them.
My social interaction with colleagues on a personal level, however, has been very limited.  I don't feel too bad about it because I am happy that we talk to each other amicably and now, somewhat freely, in the institute.  There's no hurry to make friends.  If I feel the need for reaching out personally to someone, I contact my immediate family or grad school and postdoc friends from North America with whom I am still in touch.  Or I blog :-)
As always, I welcome feedback from readers about their experience in adjusting socially to new places.
My next post will be about getting involved in institute activities.





*: At that time, I thought that being phony and being politically correct go with each other.  Now, with a few months of experience, I realize that while being phony is someone's personal choice, being politically correct is necessary for survival!
**: This pleasantly surprised me because he was very formal and aloof during my job visit, although certainly not rude or condescending.
***: In retrospect, a lot of this isolation was self-imposed.