Let's talk. Maybe not.

After a lot of boring committee work and trying to wrap my head around a research problem and getting nowhere,  I am feeling burnt out.  So, today's entry is completely non-academic.
I sometimes compare conversations with my acquaintances and friends in North America to those in India.  The contrast is most evident in non-professional conversations, especially those related to issues like marriage.

Most of my colleagues are married and most of them have children.  Many of them married while they were in grad school.  The situation was similar when I was in North America, but it never came in the way of making great friendships.  It seems that in North America, people are very careful about making comments on personal lives of others.  Neither of my friends questioned me why I wasn't married or wasn't dating anyone,(well,  except for amusing questions like "I have heard about arranged marriages in India.  Will you have such a marriage? Do your parents pressurize you?")  Nor did I badger them about their marital lives (obviously!)  

As it turns out, things are slightly different in India.  Some of my colleagues here with spouses are way more candid about their confusion/disapproval of my single status.  It irked me in the beginning.  In fact, the greatest fear I had about returning to India was that of unsolicited advisers interfering in my personal life.  But, as I now realize, if taken in the right spirit, they do make for hilarious conversations.  Here are some examples:

1) Newprof (forgetting that Colleague A is a chain smoker): There are way too many smokers on campus.  I wish they would show a little more concern for their colleagues and not smoke in the tea shops.

    

A: Most people in this part of the country are heavy smokers.  You better get used to it.  You will eventually marry one of them.

    

Newprof (fuming at A's audacity and now remembering that A smokes):  It is better to live alone than marry a fool.

A: I am not a fool. (Then blushes, presumably on remembering that he has a wife)

Newprof: I did not mean you personally (thinking, "Actually, I did") 

End of conversation (as newprof cannot think of any more rejoinders, without further offending A)

2)  A discussion is going on about wedding gift for a soon-to-be married colleague.

B: Hey newprof, when are we getting you a gift?

Newprof: Not any time soon, don't worry.

B: Well, you should hurry up. You are not getting any younger.

Newprof(becomes serious and puts on her argumentative hat): So what?

B: You see, when you fall sick in your old age, you will need someone to care for you.

Newprof: Big deal. A domestic helper can fulfill that need.

B: Nowadays, it is very difficult to find a good maid.

Newprof: Right. Finding a husband is so much easier.

B, catching onto the sarcasm, laughs it off. End of conversation.

According to a mathematician colleague, Newprof's answer to the first question should have been "Wedding is a sufficient condition for giving a gift, but not necessary."  Lesson learnt! 

 Finally, a conversation with an older guy.

3) Newprof goes to the administrative building to sort out some matters.  She meets a senior administrative staff member C, regarding her health insurance.  During the discussion, 

C: Are you married?

    

Newprof: No. (Thinking this is relevant to the health care form)

    

C: Do you have a fiance? (pronounces it as phee-aan-see)

    

Newprof(amused): No.  

    

C: Oh, you see, you are a career woman.  This will cause difficulty in getting married.

    

Newprof is not so amused anymore.  But, as a matter of policy, she never argues with administrative staff. (She has no such reservations while dealing with her academic colleagues) Fortunately, other relevant matters come up in the conversation.

All the above conversations made me very angry while they were going on.  I immediately pledged not to speak to the above people again, unless absolutely necessary.  However, since that is neither possible nor feasible, a better solution is to cleverly deflect the conversation each time the M word comes up! 

Any suggestions/witty rejoinders are welcome.