A few days ago, I unwillingly became a subject of some gossip at N1. This was around the time I was applying for a position at New1. Like everyone in my situation, I wanted to keep it very confidential. I wanted to tell my colleagues only after New1 made me an offer (if they did, that is.)
Immediately before submitting the application, I informed the director and two deans for official purposes [1]. The application went through the proper channels and all was well. One day, however, in a moment of indiscretion, I mentioned it to someone "unofficially" and requested the listener to keep it "strictly confidential".
Little did I know that by doing so, I made the information public immediately.
Moreover, adding the "strictly confidential" clause ensured that there was a very high-speed delivery of this information across the campus.
This had immediate consequences, which would have been hilarious, had it not not been so awkward! Some of my departmental colleagues walked into my office to tell me that they had heard from the tea shop owner that I was moving! "We'll miss you, new prof, but we wish you well" they said.
Moving already? Hello, I had not even been interviewed as yet!!
I then walked into the office of a colleague and very dear friend to talk to her about it before she heard it from other sources.
New prof: Hi, there's something you need to hear from me before you hear it from others.
Friend: I know for the last one week!
New prof: What do you know?
Friend: That you are moving.
New prof: NO NO, that's not true. I have applied, that's all.
Friend: (Surprised) Oh, I thought your moving was pretty certain!
After that, we went for a cup of tea and had a frank heart-to-heart conversation (away from the ears of the shop owner!)
The other funny conversation I had was with a person in the admin building.
Admin staff: I am very sorry to hear that you are leaving.
New prof: I am not leaving. It is not certain.
Admin staff: I am worried about who will become the next warden of the girls hostel.
New prof: Well, there are so many women faculty who live on campus.
Admin staff: Yes, but you have a very good attitude.
New prof: (keeps quiet, not sure if she should be flattered that people will miss her "good attitude" or angry that people are only worried about appointing the next warden!)
One positive consequence of all of this was that some very concerned and well-meaning colleagues from other departments came to talk to me about it. They were worried that I was feeling isolated and lonely here and came to assure me that I was not alone! That felt very nice. I also got dinner invitations, which was a pleasant surprise, given my non-existent social life here :-)
But, through it all, I was very worried about what would happen if New1 did not make me an offer! That would place me in such an embarrassing position! In a state of paranoia, I imagined awful scenarios in which people at the tea shop would gossip about how "new prof wants to move, but can't get another job"! I imagined that the tea shop owner would ask me "Arre didi, aap ab tak yeheen hain?" [Translation: Sister, you are still here?] or even worse, "Ab Kya Karengi, didi?" [Translation: What will you do now, sister?]
Just before I left for my interview at New1, I made the following Plan B in case things did not work out with my application there:
Motivated by this post by GMP, I ordered the book "A guide to rational living" by Albert Ellis and Robert Harper on Flipkart, a book about Rational-Emotive Behavioral Therapy, which, as the back cover says, "can teach any intelligent person how to stop feeling miserable about practically anything."
Happily, by the time the book arrived, New1 had already made me an offer and I had accepted. So, although I am reading the book, it is for reasons very different from the one I originally imagined.
Are there any therapies which teach you how to keep your matters "strictly confidential"? [2]
[1] I also informed my PhD student because this would directly affect his future as well. I am glad I did so because he went for a conference to another city soon after that and colleagues from this city told him that I might move. I have no idea how they knew it! But, I am really glad that my student heard it from me before he heard it from them!
[2] In case any one is wondering, I am pretty reliable when it comes to preserving information about others!
Immediately before submitting the application, I informed the director and two deans for official purposes [1]. The application went through the proper channels and all was well. One day, however, in a moment of indiscretion, I mentioned it to someone "unofficially" and requested the listener to keep it "strictly confidential".
Little did I know that by doing so, I made the information public immediately.
Moreover, adding the "strictly confidential" clause ensured that there was a very high-speed delivery of this information across the campus.
This had immediate consequences, which would have been hilarious, had it not not been so awkward! Some of my departmental colleagues walked into my office to tell me that they had heard from the tea shop owner that I was moving! "We'll miss you, new prof, but we wish you well" they said.
Moving already? Hello, I had not even been interviewed as yet!!
I then walked into the office of a colleague and very dear friend to talk to her about it before she heard it from other sources.
New prof: Hi, there's something you need to hear from me before you hear it from others.
Friend: I know for the last one week!
New prof: What do you know?
Friend: That you are moving.
New prof: NO NO, that's not true. I have applied, that's all.
Friend: (Surprised) Oh, I thought your moving was pretty certain!
After that, we went for a cup of tea and had a frank heart-to-heart conversation (away from the ears of the shop owner!)
The other funny conversation I had was with a person in the admin building.
Admin staff: I am very sorry to hear that you are leaving.
New prof: I am not leaving. It is not certain.
Admin staff: I am worried about who will become the next warden of the girls hostel.
New prof: Well, there are so many women faculty who live on campus.
Admin staff: Yes, but you have a very good attitude.
New prof: (keeps quiet, not sure if she should be flattered that people will miss her "good attitude" or angry that people are only worried about appointing the next warden!)
One positive consequence of all of this was that some very concerned and well-meaning colleagues from other departments came to talk to me about it. They were worried that I was feeling isolated and lonely here and came to assure me that I was not alone! That felt very nice. I also got dinner invitations, which was a pleasant surprise, given my non-existent social life here :-)
But, through it all, I was very worried about what would happen if New1 did not make me an offer! That would place me in such an embarrassing position! In a state of paranoia, I imagined awful scenarios in which people at the tea shop would gossip about how "new prof wants to move, but can't get another job"! I imagined that the tea shop owner would ask me "Arre didi, aap ab tak yeheen hain?" [Translation: Sister, you are still here?] or even worse, "Ab Kya Karengi, didi?" [Translation: What will you do now, sister?]
Just before I left for my interview at New1, I made the following Plan B in case things did not work out with my application there:
Motivated by this post by GMP, I ordered the book "A guide to rational living" by Albert Ellis and Robert Harper on Flipkart, a book about Rational-Emotive Behavioral Therapy, which, as the back cover says, "can teach any intelligent person how to stop feeling miserable about practically anything."
Happily, by the time the book arrived, New1 had already made me an offer and I had accepted. So, although I am reading the book, it is for reasons very different from the one I originally imagined.
Are there any therapies which teach you how to keep your matters "strictly confidential"? [2]
[1] I also informed my PhD student because this would directly affect his future as well. I am glad I did so because he went for a conference to another city soon after that and colleagues from this city told him that I might move. I have no idea how they knew it! But, I am really glad that my student heard it from me before he heard it from them!
[2] In case any one is wondering, I am pretty reliable when it comes to preserving information about others!
7 comments:
I left India 11 years ago and I am still talked about in my previous institution where I worked. Gossipping is something inherent in Indian blood. I used to frown, but now miss it.
Its not like it is not rampant in USA, its just when you are student/post-doc, nobody cares (they come and go and there are so many of them). also people sensor themselve much better and don’t ask directly to the person involved.
There is plenty of gossip in the US too, starting with professors, and ending sometimes with interesting undergrads. I've grown very cautious about what I will say and to whom, given what I manage to hear, and about whom and from whom, without looking for trouble.
Congratulations on your new position! Also, given your recent posts about the safety issues of female students on campus, I also hope that they find a good replacement for you.
Well I got something out of this blog entry which you must not have intended to pass along. I was never sure of whether to let my application go through 'proper' channels or do it 'improperly', exactly because I wouldn't want to put myself in the embarrassing situation of everyone knowing about it. I gather that your director and deans did not divulge the info about your application which itself is kind of a good thing in my mind. So thanks for sharing that. I won't hesitate to go through proper channels when I want to move out of my N_i institute! Congratulations again for finding a more suitable place to work and wish you all the success!
I have seen colleagues gossiping about potential faculty applicants to their departments ("you know, such and such has applied to this department"). That brings us to the possibility that someone at New_1 unwittingly helped propagate the story in other circles.
I really do not like this "proper channel" requirement, to me it goes against the employee. In your case, probably your director and dean were sensible enough to understand your need to move. However, in many places, it does not go so smoothly.
I also had to apply through proper channel recently to another institute (reasons were more personal -two body problem- than professional), my director understood it and let me apply directly (through not proper channel - as I wanted to keep it confidential) and then issued a NOC. The new place made an offer, but my two body problem also got solved within the city itself, and so I did not move.
So far it is still confidential and nobody came to know the whole saga. The worst part obviously is if you do not get offer from the new place.
So congratulations again on your new job.
I have followed your blog for some time now and like your straight forward posts in simple language. Good luck on your move and hope you continue to write. If it is okay to ask; why are changing your institution? and what was your (soon to be) past institute's name?
The following joke is from the American TV show Wheel of Fortune.
A guest mentions that he has some confidential information.
Pat Sajack (the host of the show):
Can you tell me what it is?
Guest: Can you keep a secret?
Pat: Yes
Guest: So can I.
There is no such thing as confidential. If you tell someone, it may possibly get out. On the other hand, don't beat yourself on the head over it. We are all social beings and share information even when it is against our best interests. This cannot be helped. As for Albert Ellis, the less said the better.
I am so glad that things worked out for you.
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