Prince Calming refers to a senior faculty member at N1, who is one of my mentors here. As his pseudonym suggests, he is a calm and quiet person, not much given to display of emotions or making authoritative statements/judgements about anything or anyone at N1. He pretty much keeps to himself and is rarely seen at our tea shop/faculty mess - the two famous hotspots for N1 gossip.
At the same time, however, he is very well informed about institute affairs and does not shy away from expressing his opinion and taking a stand on important matters.
He does so, without making a big noise and more often than not, accomplishes his objective. Then, he moves on to other things.
One of his most endearing qualities is that he keeps an eye out for the well being of his younger colleagues. Many of us freely approach him if we have any questions or concerns about professional matters and receive useful and effective advice from him.
In the last fortnight, I faced some difficult situations at N1 and was a frequent visitor to his office. It also happened that one day, we both had to travel together to a nearby city (about two hours drive away) for some important institute work. I learnt a lot of things while conversing with him and I am sure he won't mind if I shared some of them on this blog (although I am equally sure that he does not know about the existence of this blog.)
For starters, just a day before our trip, I had had a bit of a showdown with another colleague in PC's presence about an institute matter. We had a difference of opinion about something and since this other colleague has a habit of continuously talking without giving others a chance, I ended up raising my voice and sharply contradicting him. I believed then (and still do) that my point was valid, but I could have certainly put it across in a softer voice :)
During the drive to the nearby city, I asked PC how he manages to remain calm in the face of extreme provocation. With a smile he answered, "it comes with age."
"Can you please elaborate on that," I asked, not content with his cryptic reply. He obliged me by telling me some stories from his first few years in his faculty position, when his reaction to certain events at his former institution were similar to mine above. However, unlike me, after some of his outbursts, he got into trouble. I found it very difficult to relate PC's current personality to the stories he was telling me and thought, "wow, there's hope for me!"
One day, I was feeling very overwhelmed about some problems and asked PC for advice. Instead of encouraging my ranting, however, PC immediately pointed out that the trait that could be most harmful to one's career is negativity. N1 is not perfect - no place is. But, as a responsible member of this institute, if someone feels that something is amiss or needs to be corrected, one should take initiative and bring it up confidently with the concerned people/committee. This is much more useful than gossiping about the problem. He then gave some more examples of some issues that he had faced and how he resolved them. "But, Dr PC, " I asked, "in your position and at your stage of career, you can bring up issues fearlessly and people will listen to you, where as, if I bring them up, I will be immediately branded a trouble maker."
He again corrected me and said that as a member of N1 community, I have every right to raise an issue and should do so. However, he also warned against expecting results overnight. The gist of his advice seemed to be to take up the matter and pursue it patiently.
This was a timely wake-up call to me before I drifted into complacence and negativity.
Yet another occasion on which PC gave me some useful advice was after a meeting. I was extremely annoyed at an administrative official who, I felt, had made a disparaging and factually wrong statement about our department. I asked PC if I should confront this person. PC said that if I really felt so strongly about it, I should do so, but that I should wait for 24 hours before writing or talking to this person. As it turned out, those 24 hours were enough for me to calm down and realize that (a) I had misunderstood the context in which this statement was made and (b) I was not the right person to bring this up, anyways. Incidentally, this reminds me of my PhD supervisor, who once said that the "reply" tab in the email inbox should be renamed "reflect".
I am now out of "the blues" [even literally so as the monsoons seem to be ending] and learning to do my job, calmly and effectively, thanks to interesting experiences and mentors like PC.
I would love to hear back from readers who have learnt important socio-administrative lessons from other mentors. From the more senior readers, of course, I would truly appreciate more advice and tips :)
6 comments:
Prince Calming sounds like a wonderful person to have as a colleague. His advice about a 24-hour cooling-off period reminds me of a similar episode from my early days as an academic.
My first grant application was not going anywhere because a program manager (who, I guess, also doubled up as a reviewer) kept asking what I thought were increasingly irrelevant questions. When I got the third set of questions -- by then, I had already 'lost' several months -- I was ready to get medieval with this dude.
I told a senior colleague (who already knew about my troubles) that I was going to write a nasty letter telling the program manager to get the hell off my back. My colleague advised me to go right ahead and write that letter. "But, don't post it immediately," he said. "Wait for one full day -- all 24 hours of it."
"Then," he added with a twinkle in his eyes, "tear that letter up!"
I still rate this as the wisest advice I ever got from anyone.
This is kind of off-topic but the "24 hour cooling off period" advice works for marriage too! :)
Thanks, Abi, for sharing your story.
Indeed, it was great advice from your colleague. So, did you eventually write that letter and tear it up? :)
Samudrika, that was a very funny analogy :)
Nice post! Prince Calming’s advice is wise and you are very fortunate to have him. He/you are on the ball when you say: “ as a responsible member of this institute, if someone feels that something is amiss or needs to be corrected, one should take initiative and bring it up confidently with the concerned people/committee. This is much more useful than gossiping about the problem.” The 24-hour cooling off time as Abi points out is advisable rather than throwing heat at the problem. You never feel good after letting off wildly and it demeans all involved.
Yet, I must admit to going ballistic with reasonable, though low, frequency. On a few of these occasions, I have felt that I have done the right thing, though I have always felt ashamed at losing my calm. In my view its is okay to get upset with those in positions of responsibility and power, but not at those over whom you are socially perceived to have some sort of authority, however mild. Its fine, in this world view, for a student to read a professor the riot act, but not the other way around. Its fine for you, when you feel you have reason, to tell your Head of Department or Director where to go, but not vice versa. Similarly, heads of departments, directors and their ilk should stand firm and not only resist external bullying but must have the capacity to defend their position, sometimes by snarling.
In our structures junior faculty sometimes feel that their career will be ‘affected’ if they speak out. In my experience, speaking out moderates or eliminates unreasonable behavior by those in authority and not speaking out strengthens it. When men speak out and question authority, they can be considered frank and forthright. While negative perceptions about outspoken women are fewer these days, I have heard of vicious views here. Yet, keeping silent only strengthens those who have these views. So, while I do not advocate intemperate responses, sometimes instant strong responses are called for and heated civilized responses to uncivilized behaviour ( especially from those in authority) are not be shied away from. The obnoxious may not be around 24 hours later for a calm discussion :-)). And you can end up feeling used for not responding to an unfair situation right away.
So much for dealing with authority. Within our academic peer groups we have all kinds of interactions that knit bonds between us. These interactions help us appreciate each other’s personal quirks. Slowly, we get to like our jerks, because although he is a jerk, he is our very own jerk. And, slowly the jerk gets to have more hot air than teeth. Chai, seminars, dinners etc all increase bonding between the ‘jerk’ and his colleagues but sometimes a good quarrel with the jerk makes for speedy progress towards a better relationship: You don’t plan to quarrel but the jerk-tolerance barrier breaks when it breaks.
In sum, the 24 cooling off is indeed the best advice, ripping up your letters is usually the best thing to do. But, sometimes, the fuse blows and sometimes (rarely) it can blow with good reason and/or with good consequences. Don’t feel too bad if you are sometimes human and not superhuman.
Vijay's thoughtful comment reminded me of what the writer Finley Peter Dunne once said "The role of journalism is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable". With some modification and moderation, this is excellent advise for people in academia as well.
Vijay, as always, thanks for your thoughtful comment.
Your point about not getting upset with those over whom one is perceived to have some authority makes a lot of sense. An HOD at one of the institutions where I worked once said that he is not sure of the effect if he writes a positive report for a junior colleague. However, he is sure that if he puts in a negative report, it will certainly have a negative effect on that person's career. That's why he is very careful about uttering or writing anything negative about any one. I guess he was thinking along the same lines as what you wrote.
You are also right on target about how one gets to like one's "jerk" colleagues after more socialization :)
Anon, thank you for the quotation. It is indeed very suitable in this context.
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